Jelena: I’m from Yugoslavia, Serbia. Actually, I’m from a village. My mom, my family, my grandparents, they lived there. Also my father. I spent almost all my life in the village. And it’s different. You have like a big yard and animals, like chicken, pigs, it’s like a farm. When I came here, it’s different. You’re just in an apartment all day. And all that noise, cars and everything. And it was difficult. I think it’s easy for people who came from cities. I mean, it’s similar.

Language is different. I remember when I came here, I could just speak one sentence: I don’t speak English. People when they talk to me, I just repeat the same sentence again and again.

Raeshma: What sentence?

Jelena: I don’t speak English. Later I understood what they asked me. But first time, I was scared and because almost all people, they talk Spanish. And they just look at me like I came from Mars or some other planet and you know, you are different. And um.. I came here in 1999, February 5th. It was night. It was dark. I came with my mom and my stepfather, he wait for us. My first day, I watch TV and maybe a few days later, I register in school and then I went to the doctor and they check every part of me, if I’m okay.

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Loulou
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The first day in school, it was too many kids. It was just one girl who talk Serbian and I was always just with her, follow her. I was like a dog, just follow her wherever she go. First I was scared of other people, the teacher he introduce me I was new student and all the people look at me like wow. I didn’t know what to do. And he asked me something and I look at him and then that girl, she translate for me. And it was difficult. I was very difficult. And sometimes if I understand a question and I don’t know how to answer, I don’t know how to explain in English. And maybe in ninth grade, it was so-so. I use the dictionary everyday. When I have homework, you had a lot of time, but in school when you had a school or test, it was a big problem. But now, I feel better.

I try because my mom, she don’t understand English. She understand, but now she’s in the same position I was. You know, she understand, but she cannot communicate. Usually she use Serbian or some other language like Spanish because my neighbor, she’s Spanish. And she can communicate with hands, you know. But they understood. And I’m glad that here they have like translators, that’s better. And everything’s better than in my country. Like school. Really, in my country, it was difficult. I mean, I like school but not much when I was in my country. You cannot eat in class, you cannot talk. It was something like in the military. When I came here, it was like you’re free, alive, do whatever you want. Not do whatever you want, but you can do some things. I like all my teachers. I like school here. Some students hate me when I start to talk about that. Like when I say I like school, they all look at me like that. They have different opinion, I understand.

Raeshma: Can you tell us a little bit about what happened during the war, where you were.

Jelena: I don’t remember. I mean, I remember just a little bit. I don’t understand why the war start. It was between Bosnian and Serbian people. All that I remember it was some people who escape, like Bosnians. In my village, something like camps for all the people who came from Bosnia and Serbia. All the people together who escape from war. It was terrible, all the people crying and hungry. I mean, I don’t know what to say. And afraid, and you know, we help them a lot. It was different, I remember one family that we help, it was because my grandfather, it was a big family, we have rooms we don’t use, so they stayed there, a Bosnian family.

We gave them food and everything, but it was a big difference. I mean, I can’t understand that. It really, it was a terrible war. Because I heard both sides. Bosnian people. And in my village also we have people from Bosnia. Before the war they married, you know, and some of them their families are in Bosnia and when they came during war and all the terrible things, they explained what happened in their life. It was like during the Nazis, the German people, what they did to Jews, it was like that. I don’t understand those people. I mean, they’re not people, they’re animals. Because if you, okay, you’re in war, but if you want to kill somebody, just kill them, don’t let them suffer. I don’t know how to explain it. They kill pregnant woman, but before they kill, they just take out the baby and that’s just terrible. And they attack young girls. And some people who from my village, it was so difficult because you have to go in a war. I mean, your country’s in a war and you have to go. Some people, they tried to escape because war is, you can lose your life for nothing. And it was like from yesterday you were friends and tomorrow you are enemies. It was difficult. Some people who came back, they became crazy because of all the terrible things that happened. It was difficult, really.

Question: Did war happen in Serbia?

Jelena: No, not in my village.

Question: The Bosnians tried to escape the war and they came to Serbia.

Jelena: Yeah, in my village, it was many people. They came in groups, many groups. Every week new people were coming in. I remember in my school, it was to help all those people with food and clothes and old books that we use. I went just once near to the city who’s near to my village and it was, especially during the night, you can hear the… I just went once there, it was for my mom, she work in the city and her boss , she was Bosnian, she was Muslim and she had all her whole family and everybody so.. she cannot go there because she’s a Muslim and maybe they can kill her. Also I remember we took a bus and we like, I don’t remember how, you know, we travel and I guess between Serbia and Bosnia, there is a military and they check all bags that you have and they check your ID card, for identification, you have like a picture and your name and when you are born and everything.

And I remember during the night, it was just, during the night, you hear somebody screaming and in the morning you find out something happened with that person, you know, something happened with your neighbor. Not with my neighbor. Her sister from my mother’s boss and a lot of people just escape just like that and they don’t know what happened with them, maybe somebody killed them, you know, it’s a possibility and I’m surprised that some people will stay in their houses. Because it was very hard and every moment you know that somebody’s gonna come and kill you.

Agnes: One thing I cannot understand is why the Bosnian people were running from the war, there was no like soldiers, no Serbian soldiers checking in the village if there is no refugees of war. If there is war, you are basically protecting them even though your government was fighting against them. If for example Serbian soldiers would come to your house and see, there wouldn’t be any problems?

Jelena: No, in my village, we didn’t have any soldiers. Transportation, like cars or some other kind of transportation. Like, for example, if I have a car, we can pick up our neighbors and travel together. I mean, it was not a problem, we didn’t have any problems. In my village and the city next to my village. My mom told me they was all together, Bosnian and Serbians, you know, standing in a line. Almost everybody from Serbia has family from Bosnia and they try to find out when they travel, they try to find some of your people, if you can find your cousin or somebody that you know. It wasn’t a problem. Because we help them. Because we are just a people and if we hate the people, we will never help them and it would be danger for them to come in your village, but it was not a problem.

Agnes: So Serbian people, they never wanted the war to happen, it was more like the government and just the army.

Jelena: I’m not sure really, I think I was like second or third grade, I’m not sure. So I just remember some things. Because in my village and near to my village, it was not war. It was actually Bosnia.

Raeshma: Do I understand that your mother is Bosnian?

Jelena: No, my mother is Serbian. But in my village, we have some… but before they married, especially in my village, we have many Bosnian families. Like some women who came from Bosnia and married… you know. And some families that came from Bosnia and are all Bosnian, to live there.

Boss from my mom, she was Muslim and we help her. It was difficult for her because she cannot travel there, because it was the war and somebody can kill her. So my mom, for us it was, we can travel. And my mom she help her because they were almost like sisters, knew each other for a long time. From high school, they knew each other. Then she get married and my mom work for her.

In my village, I don’t remember any person saying bad things about Bosnians, we help all people. And some people, just because, when the war start, just get mail and it says you have to get ready to go to war. And there are lists, and you can’t escape. People tried to escape, but they get in trouble. First of all they go to jail and after that they go to war. You have to go. All that they talk about it’s the war and your country is in a war and you have to go because you’re a citizen of that country. Maybe you like that, maybe not, but you have to go. For me, that’s not fair, because okay, it’s war, but you cannot force people to go in war and kill other people.

Because my neighbor I remember, he’s also Bosnian and I remember when they went in war, he got a letter and he had to go. And it was his village from where he came from and he was like, How can I kill my people? But he didn’t really fight. He just, he was like, I’d rather die than kill somebody, because I could never kill somebody. And it was difficult because when he came back, almost everybody that I know who went in war, when they came back, they spent some time in the hospital because it was terrible, really. I remember my neighbor when he came back, he was in his village. And he said he brought some cups they drink coffee from there, they call filjohn(?) And he took that from some family because they went in the village and he find some old people there and he asked them just to take that because he was from that village and he married Serbian girl and he lived there for long time in your village and when he came back, he was just… And he cry a lot also. Almost everybody. I don’t know, it was painful and… But I’m glad that’s over.

Raeshma: How does it make you feel about your country?

Jelena: What can I say, I like my country. Honestly, there are some things, they’re not right. Especially during the war, some people, some people from the jail or some crazy people, I mean, they’re crazy people! They’re animals! And they send them into Bosnia. I mean, if you want to protect your country, at least you can use normal people. But they just took the people and said you go there and you fight. But usually they use maniacs. I remember this one, he’s dead now, but his name was Arkan, I forgot his last name. And when he came with all the soldiers, they look like maniacs, they look like animals. I just don’t understand. They look like they are proud for all those things that they did. They kill people and it was also they talk about it, how they did, they describe and I mean, he looked proud and I don’t understand that.
If some people, if some Bosnian people, if they hate my people, they’re right. Because many people, in my country, some people there are very very bad. Like that man who died maybe last year or something. Some people, they do very bad things, they kill people. I understand. In my village, also, I remember some Bosnian people, all together we’re watching the news and they just start to cry and talk about whole situation and they hate. Some people in your village, not all of them, they start to hate Serbians. Because you know, all those things that happen and they start to hate each other. And it was really difficult after that when some people from other countries, they came and I just don’t understand. It was a long time ago, I was little, I don’t remember.
It was true what she said about moving into houses. Also my neighbor, she had a house there and during the war, they just escape and they have to move in other Serbian’s house and Serbians have to move into their house. It was just like to switch. It was difficult,
many of them, they lose everything. They have whole life and everything they have there. I understand, they live in Serbia, but they were born in Bosnia and of course they like Bosnia better than Serbia. I mean, they just work there in Serbia. And if it happens if they lose everything, they lost house. Okay, if they lose house, it means nothing, but if they lose a family, they lose everything. Some people, they just lose whole family and they just start to hate Serbians. They start to hate all Serbians. Because they know that during the war, all the happened, those certain people who are Serbians, what they did and after that, they start to hate everybody, all people, because they start to think they’re all like that.

Sumitra: Why exactly did you come here?

Jelena: Well, I came here because my mom, she got married with my stepfather. And she married once, my father and they divorced when I was just born and after that, she was a single mother and after that, my grandparents took care of me when she went to work, but my mother, she did not want to leave me in Yugoslavia. Before she married [she told] my stepfather, ‘If you want me, I have a child, if you want my child I’ll marry you.’ Because they’re in love and everything, they married. First he came here and then my mom and me, we came.

Raeshma: Is the village still the same as when you left?

Jelena: Yeah, it’s the same. We have my grandmother, I still write letters to all my friends. I feel sad because some people, some of my friends that we played together, they just left in some other countries during the war, they just escape. I mean, I had a friend before. She was my best friend and just one day, she was like, it was her cousin and she told me they left him in Germany and she wrote letters, but it was just… At first we just passed two years and we are all afraid because it’s a strange country, but after that, they wrote a letter and I’m glad that she’s alive, but I miss her a lot. She also lose her father during the war. He went in war and he never came back. They had some family in Germany and her and her mother, they just left to Germany.

Also, I miss some friends. In my village… I just miss them all. The sad thing is that I don’t know nothing about them. I mean, when I came here, it was all okay, but now I don’t know nothing.
Raeshma: It must be hard to come from a small place where you know people and be comfortable with them and have friends and then to come to a place like New York City where it’s so huge and overwhelming.

Jelena: Yeah, it hurt me a lot that here some people, because in my village, it’s not just Serbian, in Yugoslavia, you can find some people from Croatia and other countries. Also some people from China because they come here to study. And when I came here, and not just when I came, but now when I meet some people from Bosnia or Albania and we talk and we’re all alike and it’s hard to recognize who’s who because we’re all white. Because that’s when I thought when I saw somebody’s who’s white like, ‘Oh, maybe he’s from my country’ because I’m from Serbia and I miss my people. When we met, we talked about where you came from and when I say I’m Serbian, they just look at me like, you know, they hate me without a reason and that hurt a lot because the people from my village, we are all one. And the people here, they just hate me for some reason. I mean, they hate me because of other people and because of the war.

Raeshma: How did you feel when you guys met, you and Aida? [Aida is a Bosnian Muslim]
Jelena: I was very happy, I’m always happy when I met somebody from my country or whatever country. It’s just good when they talk my country, when they understand. Okay, accent is different, but we understand each other and I’m happy. When you talk about your life, okay, they came from village and you describe your life and we have a good time. I feel like I’m in Yugoslavia and not in America, I mean, just for a moment.

Raeshma: What was it like for you Aida?

Aida: Nice. She said that a lot of people hated her because she’s from Serbia, but I know she’s not guilty for anything. It’s not her fault. It was between government and some people. And people are different, some of them are good, some of them are not. And it was nice to meet her and I didn’t know anybody, I didn’t really have friends and when I met her, it was nice, I felt better because she speaks my language and I didn’t speak English very good, but she help me, she translated for me something I don’t understand. She was the only one who was from Serbia, it’s almost like she was from Bosnia.

Raeshma: How do your parents feel? Do they have anything against you having a friend who’s Serbian?

Aida: No, they’re fine with it. They’re just happy because I have a friend.

Raeshma: There’s so much hate between people, even working with the group from Kosovo last year, they said they don’t even want to talk to any Serbians. I said well, how do you know that all Serbians are the same person. Like what they had been through was so tough that they were still trying to come to terms with it.

Jelena: I knew that they would hate me because I’m Serbian. I’ve had a lot of experience with a lot of people. Some people, for example in my school, from Kosovo or Albania, we are friends and we’re okay. I have some friends who are from Albania and we talk and there’s no problem, but I know that they hate me. Just like we talk, but it’s just the distance. If you’re my friend, you’re my friend, if you like me then you like me. And if you don’t like me, don’t lie. Don’t pretend that you’re my friend and you’re not, you’re my enemy. Every second if you can, you’d destroy, but they’re like “Oh I’m your friend” I don’t like people like that. It’s better they tell me to my face, I hate you and that’s it. I mean, it hurts a lot, but I understand. I try to understand. I know that I didn’t hurt anybody; I try to be friendly with everybody.

Albania also near to my country, but I don’t understand Albanian. Some Albanian people, they understand Serbian, but they just hate the language, hate everything. just talk English and that’s it. Some of my people who talk Albanian, they like them, I don’t understand why. My friend, she talks Albanian and they like her, just because she understands Albanian. And they felt like she’s Albanian also and they hate me, I mean I’ll try. I’ll try to speak Albanian, but what can I can, just because I only learned to speak Serbian and English and I came from another country. It’s difficult. Especially in my school, in the classroom, we are all different people. Some children from other countries and everything. I’m scared sometimes when there’s too many Albanians around me and how they look at me. I’m scared, really. In my school, there are Spanish people. Spanish are number one, then Albanians, third place is Italians and fourth place is from Europe and other countries like Pakistan and Bangladesh.

Loulou: I wanna ask if you’re ever been confronted by Albanians or Bosnians.

Jelena: All people who are Bosnians that I met, they are my sisters, that’s how we feel. But it’s a problem with Albanians. I had a lot of trouble with Albanian people. I mean, what can I do? They’re all around you. Everything’s okay if they don’t know you’re Serbian, then you’re safe. When they found out I’m Serbian, they just look at me. They do anything just to destroy me somehow, for no reason. For example, I meet you for the first time, you’re a Serbian and I hate you and that’s all, you’re my enemy. I don’t understand.

I’m glad my mom taught me never to hate anybody no matter how bad they are, just to be friendly with all people. I’m glad she taught me like that. If children grow up in a family who hate somebody-- For example, if my family hates somebody and they teach me that and tell me to not talk to that person and you keep remembering and when you grow up, you just hate that person without a reason. I guess it’s the parents and then after the war, you mix all that together, that’s, you know…I mean, but that’s not fair, not because of me, there are also some other people.

We are just the children. If your parents hate each other, that’s not fair that we hate each other. If I hate somebody and when I had a child… it’s like generation from generation. So it means that we’re enemies forever. I always try; I do my best to communicate. I know that they hate me, but I do my best. I don’t understand sometimes.

In my school, almost everybody likes to learn a different language, especially bad words; that’s popular. And somebody when they start to talk about something and some Albanian, they just tell you something bad in your language and they say. ‘Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know that.’ But then why did you say it? If you didn’t know, you could have asked what it means. I really try to communicate with all people. I don’t know how to explain, but if some person doesn’t like me, I at least want to be their friend or something.